Just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not after you.

Hi! Happy Thursday! I have to work tomorrow. Gag!!  Okay, only for a few hours. Let's talk about how I need to lose weight. Let's talk about how every week I'm like "okay girl you got this!" and then someone brings Five Guys into the office.  That someone is usually me. I'm not a huge pop drinker but I do enjoy a nice refreshing Coca Cola from time to time. Every time I go to enjoy such beverage, the office coke Nazi (John) comes and yells at me about how bad they are for me. "Do you even care about your body?" he says. Does it look like I care as I stuff a handful of french fries in my mouth?? Bitch, please.... He likes to come over and sprinkle his chest hair all over my desk. He says the ladies love it.  You know, I'm not hatin on chest hair but that's a fucking carpet.  I'm pretty sure I get a hair ball from just looking at it. Ugh. This is pay back for the time he randomly threw oranges at me for a week. Moving on.. I got new sheets. HOLLA! I got new shoes. HOLLA! I got some new clothes. HOLLA! I accidentally picked up the scented tampies. NOT OKAY! They don't make sense and they cause infections. Just saying. I also have 9 1/2 days off starting tomorrow at 12pm!!! and my birthday is Wednesday! I'm going to be 28 with no husband, no kids and still hanging out with my parents. They pay for dinner. Speaking of kids, I've had some serious baby fever lately.  I decided I'm okay with either sex.  If it's a girl I will dress her in cute little dresses and get her any American Girl doll she desires. If it's a boy I'm going to dress him in little band shirts and high top chucks. He's going to have the worlds largest collection of band shirts. My mom asked if I was going to get him a Spice Girls shirt.  It wasn't exactly the "band" I was going for but sure he's going to be the coolest 2 yr old with a rockin spice girls shirt. I'm going to get those little tiny hangers to hang them on too. I'm only dreaming here people. I'm going to be 50 living alone besides my 2 cats named Simon & Garfunkel and still buying character bandaids because the "grown up" ones are boring. At least my besties will always be 15 yrs older than me. I'll probably be visiting them in the old folks home by then.  While I'm there I'll pick me up a rich old geezer to father my cats. Alright, now I'm depressed.  Goodnight.